Instead of chasing your ideal life, make it come to you

Neediness repels success.

You can want something without needing it. Go for it. Put yourself in a position to have it. But don’t…need it to happen.

Instead, cultivate life and an attitude where you know that good things are going to happen and people are going to want to be a part of your life.

You don’t know exactly what or exactly who will come into your life and when, but you don’t need to know because you’re good either way.

Read also: Truly confident people focus on these 15 things

Let’s take a look at some ways to live a more attractive life.

Turn Your Life Into a Giant Magnet

You can’t make other people like you.

Whether you’re trying to make friends, business connections, or find a romantic partner, the less you try to force the situation, the more likely you’ll draw people in.

If you want to attract more people into your life first focus on becoming attractive. Build a life that people want to be a part of.

The more engaged you are in your own life, the more you’ll have naturally attractive energy. You get engaged in life by finding things you’re interested in and doing them for the sake of doing them, not because you’re trying to impress people.

I started writing as a hobby. It turned into a career that has led to a ton of opportunities and helped me meet amazing people who were interested in me because I was interested in my work.

Many people I meet in my day-to-day life light up when I tell them I write for a living because they share the same passion for it.

The things you’re interested in make you interesting.

How to Find a Helping Hand

I credit a lot of my writing success to an editor I worked with for the first 18 months of my writing career. I submitted an article to the site and it happened to land on his desk. I kept sending him new articles quite frequently. After noticing my effort — not to impress him, but to work on my craft — he told me he wanted to work with me directly.

I’ve had several influential people and verified people follow me on Twitter. They share my work, re-tweet my posts, and even offer me guidance in DM’s. I didn’t ask any of them for help. I just shared my honest thoughts online and added my own two cents to their posts because I was genuinely interested in what they had to say.

If you want mentors and experienced people on your side, be the type of person who already seems to be going places. If you are hard-working and curious, you’ll become a magnet for people who want to help you.

Take the Time to Think About This Deeply

How do you expect to get what you want when you don’t even know what you want?

Take dating, relationships, and marriage. How many people haphazardly fall into all three? How many people date out of convenience, proximity, or even desperation?

Wouldn’t it make sense to know the type of people you’re looking to date before you date them? Doesn’t it make sense to have, you know, standards, qualities you’re looking for, values you want them to have?

The same goes for friendships and business connections. You should have an idea of the type of people you want to have in your life. I’ve gone so far as to write down criteria for the type of people I want in my life. Does that seem weird? Seems weirder to me to not put a ton of thought into human relationships that have a major impact on your life.

People don’t have to meet every single little thing you’re looking for, of course. And your tastes can and will change over time. But without some guiding philosophy to start with, you’re just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks.

When you know what and who you want, it’s easier to draw the right people in and perhaps more importantly filter the wrong people out.

This Seems Obvious, But Do You Do It?

You want to focus on attracting people into your life, but that doesn’t mean you can just sit there and wait for every single person to come to you. You have to put yourself out there.

This quote comes to mind:

Wake up every day like it’s your first day in town & you don’t know a soul. Make fast lovers, fast friends, fast business relations Waltz in & out of a hundred venues to stoke your curiosity. Keep a pace you can maintain like your life depends on it. Your life does depend on it — Brute De Force

Get your ass out of the house and talk to people. You never know who you’re going to meet or what it might lead to. Do this in a way where you’re not expecting these conversations to lead to anything either.

Put your art out there. A student just told me she got a job offer from writing a Medium post. What if she would’ve left it as a draft out of fear?

See what happens.

You’re just in the world doing your thing, seeing who might want to come along for the ride. This is the ethos of all these points, really. Get out into the world and be on an adventure that other people want to become a part of.

Increase Your Chances of Getting What You Want

I wouldn’t even have a writing career had it not been for a few chance events like my friend asking me to write for his website or my first piece happening to land on the desk of the editor who became my mentor instead of one who might not have cared.

Even though luck played a role in both events, I put myself in a position to get lucky. My friend noticed my penchant for writing because I was reading a bunch of books and sharing my insights from them on social media. I submitted my work to that website because I noticed an acquaintance of mine had done the same.

After I started to follow my intellectual curiosity and work on something that mattered to me, I started getting a hell of a lot luckier.

You can’t win if you never place any bets. Start placing a bunch of little bets until one of them pays off huge. Write that article, share that post on social, say hello to that person, go to that event, give that business idea a try, make that investment, apply for that job, try that new hobby, do something.

Start thinking of yourself as a lucky person. My life got so much better when I just started focusing on self-improvement. I didn’t know exactly how it would get better, but I had faith that it would and it did.

Read also: 6 unquestionable signs that your manifestation is close

Final Thoughts

Place yourself at the center of your world. This doesn’t mean you need to be self-centered. But it does mean that putting yourself first makes everything else happen much more easily.

Don’t chase acceptance and validation from others. Get it from within and people will be drawn to you. Stop wishing others would be in your life. Build a life so amazing that you’re discerning about who you let into your life.

Don’t be aloof and indifferent. Be interested in others, but understand you’re not everyone’s cup of tea and not all of them are yours either.

Fully engage in the world and with others without a ton of expectation, and watch the universe pay you back tenfold for your effortful yet detached approach.

Ayodeji is the author of Real Help: An Honest Guide to Self-Improvement.

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Contributed by Ayodeji Awosika

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