What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Here’s a weird question: Do you get uncomfortable looking yourself in the eyes? At first, this might seem like a silly thought, almost nonsensical, but if you ponder it for a bit…

Many people feel uncomfortable looking at their own reflection for longer than a few seconds. Sure, you want to make sure your tie is straight, or that your makeup isn’t smudged, but often beyond that, staring could be seen as vanity — or even a breeding ground for self criticism.

I believe, though, that looking in the mirror can teach us about ourselves.

It’s not what you’re seeing, but who you’re seeing. And, to dig deeper, not just who in the literal sense, but that of identity.

Our identity (a word I overuse constantly with my clients) is quite literally our sense of self. It’s us telling us who we are, what we stand for, what we believe in, and how we operate in the world.

If you tend to see flaws, insecurities, and shortcomings when you look in the mirror — allow me to help re-write that narrative for you.

Read also: 3 habits of confident people

1: Confident people see their resilience.

As you stand before yourself today, you have overcome 100% of every challenge you’ve ever faced. Despite what you’re going through right now, or what you know is headed your way — you are alive, you are here, and you are still moving forward.

That, my friends, is no small feat.

Some of you have escaped abusive relationships, or perhaps some are trying to figure out how, right now.

Some of you have had injuries or accidents.

Some of you have lost a loved one.

Some of you have gone bankrupt or closed a business.

Some are, or have been, divorced.

During all of these experiences, no matter which one(s) you’ve faced, there were likely times when you questioned how you were going to go on.

Maybe it felt like the end — or at least — the end of an era.

With the next chapter being uncertain or unpredictable, it could’ve seemed bleak or dark ahead…and maybe it still does…

But, if you’re reading this, you’re still here, and you’re still fighting.

Don’t see someone who’s “been through” a lot — see someone who’s overcome a lot.

2: Confident people see life lessons.

You are (enter age) years old, which means that you’ve accumulated (enter age) worth of experience over those very years.

Each victory, loss, piece of education, book you’ve read, or even movie that you’ve seen, has taken up a spot of real estate in your mind, and has subtly (or blatantly) changed who you are over the years.

It’s helped give you a different perspective, or maybe inspired a new action, or driven you to do something you wouldn’t have otherwise done.

You are being shaped by every life experience you have, big or small, and they’re all creating the person you see looking back at you.

3: Confident people see the things that make them unique.

“James, is this just a nice way of saying to look at my FLAWS?”

Well…yes. Yes it is.

I don’t need to be the bearer of bad news here, you already know that you have “flaws,” as we choose to call them.

I have flaws.

We all have flaws.

Those “flaws,” though, are the very things that make us unique, unlike anyone else on the planet.

Those are your nuances, your idiosyncrasies. Your badges of honor.

Remember that a scar is a reminder of a battle survived.

It gives you depth, intrigue, a story to tell.

“Perfect” is not only unattainable, it’s also uninteresting.

4: Confident people see the things they want to improve.

Alright, it’s time for a little bit of honesty here…not everything you see in the mirror is going to be healthy, or positive, or able to be embraced as a “quirk.”

I know, the “omnipositive” people are about to rush to the comments and blame me for shaming people.

Here’s the thing — if I (or anyone else) refused to see the real and true things about ourselves that quite frankly should be changed for the sake of our own health and wellness, then we’d just be setting ourselves up for disaster.

We’d be effectively driving down the road with our eyes closed, refusing to see the obstacles in the way…and just tacitly assuming that means they don’t exist.

It works…until we hit one of them.

It’s important to write our own stories, yes — but it’s also important to value the truth and see things how they are in reality. Only then are we empowered to decide which we want (or need) to change, and start on the path of doing so.

I know more than many the pain of being self-critical, but I also know that if we can give ourselves grace, but also honesty, we can start on the journey of self-improvement.

5: Confident people see the kindness they treat others with.

When you approach others in the world, you’re open, warm, and kindhearted. You treat them with respect and dignity. You make people feel seen, valued, and heard.

If you’re really an overachiever, you use your turn signal, say please, and thank you.

While you see these actions as second-nature and simply part of the code of conduct you live by, it’s worth noting their rarity and therefore their value.

Not everyone approaches the general public with such kindness or respect. Many are out in the world barreling through their day with little-to-no regard for those around them.

You, though, take the time to see people, and I guarantee that leaves an impression on them for far longer than your interaction lasts.

6: Confident people see everyone who’s helped them along the journey.

We all have different paths in life, different family dynamics, different friends…but I can personally say that I’d be nowhere without the help of my family and a few very very key friends in life who’ve always been there during the more challenging times.

Whether you have one person who’s helped you, or 1,000, they have fundamentally changed the course of your life.

Someone could’ve literally bought you a smoothie 15 years ago that completely altered the path you were on.

Maybe you were hungry, and if they’d not gotten you that smoothie, you would’ve walked down the street to a McDonald’s and twisted your ankle on the way there, requiring a trip to the doctor, making you late for work and losing your job.

There are a million examples of “The Butterfly Effect” at play during every moment in our lives, but the key is to recognize the path we have taken, and the people who’ve made it possible.

The person you see in the mirror has been — at least partially — created by their influence.

7: Confident people see everyone THEY’VE helped along the journey, too.

I love that you’re modest. I think it’s a great quality to have. Those who need to prove themselves to themselves at all times end up stressed out, unfulfilled, and giving off an energy of arrogance, which may just be a shroud for their insecurities.

Regardless of how modest you are, though, I do also believe it’s important to acknowledge and recognize the good that you do in the world.

For everyone who’s on the “helped” side discussed in point #6, there is someone who was the “helper.” Someone who made that positive impact in your life, the very people who we are feeling gratitude for as we read these words.

For some people — that “helper” is you.

Perhaps you volunteer frequently in your community, or maybe just that one time you helped that elderly person across the street.

Regardless of the magnitude of your contributions, big or small, contributions they remain. Positive impacts. Differences in someone’s day.

I’m not suggesting you think of these moments as ways to inflate your own ego or to prove your worth (we’ll get to that soon), but I am suggesting that you remember that you have value in this world and there are people who’s lives have been positively impacted by your presence here.

8:Confident people see their progress.

Every single person who will ever read these words is in a transitional phase of life.

Literally every single second of your life is transitional.

You are growing a second older each second that passes. The cells in your body are changing. There is never an instant after an instant where everything in the world is the same.

There’s a lot to unpack there, so that’s for a different article.

The point is this: You’ve been working hard.

Cutting back on sugar, being more active, spending more time reading, or meditating, or (insert self-care of choice here).

When you look in the mirror, you see an instant in time. A frozen moment within that transition. You see your current state.

And, at times, it’s difficult to remember just how far you’ve already come, especially since I know that you’re too hard on yourself about how far you still have left to go.

If, though, you can train your mind to focus on seeing all of the progress you’ve already made, you’ll remain even more proud of the work you’ve put in, and the results you’ve achieved.

(I’m not just talking about physical results, but also mental and emotional. The journey of life is long and varied, and our personal progress happens in different times, at different paces, and in different forms. The key, though, is recognizing what is there when it’s there).

9: Confident people see the people and things that have hurt them.

We’ve all been through heartbreak, loss, and failure. I believe many people avoid thinking about or acknowledging these things because they feel it’s just too painful, or perhaps unproductive.

While, yes, it is painful, I also believe it’s necessary to feel the pain in order to learn from, and move past it.

Even more — to grow from it.

Confident people didn’t become that way by avoiding these truths — but by staring them in the face and growing as a result of them.

The people who’ve lied to you, the businesses that have failed, the heartbreak you’ve faced — they all carry with them valuable lessons that can help you in the future.

There may be qualities of the wrong people you’ve dated (or married) that you need to avoid in the next person. If you refuse to see what these qualities are, you may go down the same road again.

You might’ve made mistakes in a previous business venture that proved to be costly, both financially and emotionally. If you pretend like it never happened, though, you may be doomed to repeat those same mistakes in the future.

I believe that a lot of people end up repeating the same patterns in their life because they try to move past the hurt and heartbreak as fast as possible. They lock it away in a dark corner of their mind and pretend that it doesn’t exist. In the moment, they feel that this is right, because the pain has subsided.

However, while the pain is hidden, it isn’t healed — and there’s a big difference.

The only way to truly move past (and learn from) the things that have hurt you, is to look right at them. To feel the pain. To acknowledge the reality of what happened.

Many times, just like a monster in the closet, it actually helps to look inside. It’ll show you that this wasn’t your fault. It’ll help you see all of the true and factual circumstances that lead to this event in your life. It’ll help you stop blaming yourself for things that weren’t actually your fault.

If, though, you pretend it’s not there every time you look in the mirror, you’ll be stuck pretending for the rest of your life.

The only way to actually get it to go away, is to acknowledge it, feel it, and then heal it.

10: Confident people see all of the goals they’ve accomplished.

A challenge I see consistently with high achievers is that they fail to give themselves the credit they deserve for their accomplishments.

They are sometimes so driven that they simply never stop — and while that helps them be highly productive, it also prevents them from feeling the fulfillment and joy from accomplishing goals.

They just…check the box…and keep on going.

Someday (as I’ve heard many times from clients), they eventually wake up and “snap out of it,” almost feeling like they’ve missed many of the previous years because they never stopped to look around.

They never felt the gratitude for each goal achieved, big or small.

They never gave themselves the credit, which in itself, creates a positive correlation between the work and the achievements.

As a result, they were strung out, stressed, plowing forward blindly without any real reason why.

There is value in slowing down. There is damn good reason to acknowledge all that you’ve achieved and to give yourself credit for doing so.

I admire your humble nature — I really do — but I also understand that there’s a difference between being humble and just writing yourself off.

If you don’t experience the joy of the achievements you’ve made, then what’s the point of making them in the first place?

11: Confident people see the beauty within.

I’m not interested in what it is that you look like.

I don’t really care how your genetics arranged your bone structure at birth.

It matters not what your skin color or tone is.

None of this has any bearing on the qualities and attributes that you choose for yourself.

The empathy and kindness you operate with.

The warm and caring nature you possess.

The patience you have with your children.

The emotional space you hold for your partner.

The opportunities you give to your staff to excel and thrive.

The donations and contributions you make to your community.

All of these things are reflective (pun intended), not of your outward appearance, but your inner beauty.

Beautiful souls, beautiful hearts, beautiful minds — that’s the type of beauty that creates a positive impact on the world and should be acknowledged far more often than it is.

12: Confident people see and feel the present moment.

There is only one reality that objectively exists, and that is the here and now.

Not the places you’ve traveled, the things you’ve seen, the people you’ve been with, or the accomplishments you’ve made.

Right here. Right now. Today. In this moment.

This is what life is.

This is where you are.

This is the only objective reality that actually, factually, exists.

Sometimes, it’s easy to transport ourselves elsewhere. We yearn to be back on that beach, or in that villa, or on that boat — and those experiences can provide us with warm and meaningful memories, but they are not right now.

The more time you spend mentally elsewhere, the less connected you are to the people and things around you right now.

The less present you are.

Do this enough, and you’ll find time evaporating. You’ll miss the small moments that make life worth living. You’ll stop being “here.”

And “here” is exactly where you need to be.

13: Confident people see the passing of time.

Live in the present moment too much, and you’ll fail to “zoom out” and see the magnitude of life itself.

I did this for a long time. I lived for “the now,” and in doing so, didn’t plan for the long term.

I think that acknowledging time passing is exactly what gives it value and weight.

When you see that gray hair come in (or in my case…fall out), it serves as a stark reminder of the reality we are living in.

If we only live in the present moment, though, it’s going to sneak up on us.

Shock us.

Make us feel unprepared for it.

It can even make us waste it, as we’re not truly valuing it.

Acknowledging that this life doesn’t go on forever, is the very thing that gives it meaning.

It’s what makes us cherish the moments we do have, with the people we have them with.

It can prevent us from wasting time on the wrong things, bickering over nonsense, or watching the same movie for the 50th time — things that really only make sense for someone who’s going to live forever.

When time is finite, though, it’s recognized as a limited commodity. A commodity that can only be spent once.

When you feel the magnitude of that truth, you start being a lot more discerning about where you spend your time, and who you spend it with.

Read also: 3 empowering truths that help you reach your full potential

14: Confident people see THEMSELVES.

You see you every time you look in the mirror — but who are you really looking at?

The concept of you is a funny one, because when you think about it…nobody really knows you.

Let me back up before this gets too confusing…

The thoughts and feelings that you have in your mind, the dreams, the hopes, the wishes, even the insecurities…those are all an internal narrative that happens at all times of the day.

Not a single other living human soul will ever be privy to that narrative in its entirety.

You may share pieces of it with a partner, or a loved one, or a therapist (or a coach), but not a single other person alive will ever know every last nook and cranny of your thoughts.

You, then, are the only person who will ever really know you.

Our concept of self becomes skewed constantly by the images we are fed, the pressures that we face, and the “shoulds” that society hoists upon us.

We’re always comparing ourselves to others, which dilutes our true sense of self. We become a spot on a graph rather than a human individual with complex thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

Stop asking where you fall on the social hierarchy, and instead look inward at your unique and specific identity.

This is how you begin valuing yourself for who you really are. It’s how you begin crafting your self-worth. It’s how you set your boundaries and standards.

These are all things that can only be accomplished by someone who sees and recognizes who they really are, and therefore what they deserve.

Most people never explore their identity outside of their work, their relationships, or their family.

They define themselves by what they do, or who they’re married to, or how many kids they have.

Those are parts of yourself, absolutely — but the you that exists as a self-standing individual is its own entity, and must be valued and treated as such.

15: Confident people see the person they want to become.

What does your future self look like?

The person you are working to become.

The person capable of achieving your goals.

The person thriving in life and in love.

Imagine for a second that the you from 5 years into the future walks into the room.

You have the chance to ask them questions, explore their daily routines, observe their habits, their thoughts, and their relationships.

This is the version of you that you’re working to become. They’ve achieved the goals you’re working towards because they’ve evolved into the person capable of doing so. They have the right habits, the right mindset, they’re in the right relationship…

What does all of that look like?

What are the differences between the person you are today, and the person they are in the future?

Imagine seeing that person every time you look in the mirror.

Making the decisions they would make.

Forming the habits they would have.

Building the relationships they would be in.

How would your life be different? Not in 5 years from now…but today.

You have the power to choose the person you want to see in front of you. You are a blank canvas and, simultaneously, the artist.

When you look in the mirror, I believe there is much more looking back than just a set of eyes.

There’s your past, there’s your present, and there’s also your future.

You can’t choose the past…but the others are in your control.

What are you going to choose to see?

Contributed by James Michael Sama

For more information and updates join our WhatsApp group HERE

Follow us on Twitter HERE

Join our Telegram group HERE