You need to start with baby steps.

We’ve been conditioned to think and feel that our fears are aversive.

However, our fears are actually a way for us to grow, develop and become stronger.

When we face our fears, we likely feel:

A sense of empowerment.
Like a euphoric feeling has taken over our body.
As if we can combat and take on anything in front of us.
Having said that, I know just how difficult it is to take that first step to tackle our fears and that’s where many of us have difficulty— I used to have a huge fear of public speaking and just the thought of it made my heart beat like crazy.

Read also: 3 brutal truths that will get you unstuck and move your life forward

However, it is possible to take our fears on. Here are three psychological tips that can help you do just that.

1. Ask yourself: What can I do today?

Sometimes we think of the worst-case scenarios with our fears. For example:

If you have a fear of speaking in front of a lot of people, you might think, I’m going to do a terrible job, I’ll mess this up, people will laugh at me, I’ll freeze and the list continues. This catastrophisation is what stops you from tackling your fear. It makes you feel more worried and anxious and it comes to a point where you think “there’s no way I’m doing this.”

Studies show thinking the worst is what can elevate our anxiety. This makes it feel impossible to take the first step in tackling our fears.

When you start to go down the catastrophisation loophole, our fears can hinder us and stunt our development.

Instead, an easy, psychological trick to stop you from going into this spiral is to ask yourself:

What can I do today to take me a step closer to tackle my fear?

Don’t look 100 steps forward. Just take one step.

As someone who has worked as an assistant clinical psychologist, I’ve had my fair share of parents open up about their fears over their loved ones regaining control over their lives.

After all, their loved ones are experiencing severe mental health difficulties.

It was completely understandable for parents to have fears about their child’s future — going to the shops alone, getting a job, studying, etc.

Something I would work on was to see what small step they could try, on that day, to reduce their fears regarding their loved one’s future.

If there was a fear of their adult-aged child going to the shops alone, they could start with going with their child but encouraging them to walk a few yards in front. The distance between them can gradually increase each day to the point their child is walking to the shops alone.

The idea with this trick is not to go from one extreme to another. Take one tiny step, to begin with, today:

If it’s a fear of public speaking, practice in front of one family member or friend first.
If it’s a fear of spiders, try looking at a picture of a spider first.
If it’s a fear of publishing your first story online, try writing a story first.
These are all steps you can do today that aren’t 100 steps forward. It’s easier to tackle your fears this way and brings you a step closer to growth.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”― Martin Luther King Jr.

2. Take power over your fear.

It’s easy to feel like our fears control us and govern what we do:

If you’re fearful of flying, it’s likely you won’t be taking a flight in any hurry, which can stop you from visiting your dream location.
If you’re fearful of heights, it’s likely you won’t want to climb a mountain of your dreams or have dinner at CN Tower in Toronto.
This feeling of a lack of power and control over our fear, can make us feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

On the flip side, the bigger picture is:

If we take back power over our fear, we obtain more control over it and our actions.

A way to do this is by developing personalised statements/affirmations to help you regain power and control over your fear.

For example, if you have a fear of publishing your writing online for people to read, you can come up with your own affirmations to combat this. You might say:

I’m not writing for everyone to like my writing. I’m writing to share my thoughts, experiences and get things off my chest.
Your fear is like having a conversation with yourself. You want to do something or you’ve been given the opportunity, but your thoughts and words are what stops you. Instead, you can counteract these negative, fearful and critical thoughts and words about your fear with your affirmations.

You’re pushing your fear back and saying — I’m in control here!

“Taking control of your own creation, you can ultimately affect your future.”— Dee Wallace

Read also: How to stop worrying and get good at life

3. Work to enhance your self-efficacy.

It’s hard to do anything if you don’t believe in your ability:

Losing weight is tough if you don’t believe you can stick to a good diet and exercise a few times a week.
Publishing your stories online every week is difficult if you don’t believe you can write consistently on most days of the week.
If you have a fear of flying, it’s hard to overcome it if you don’t believe you can sit on a plane to go to another country.
This is where self-efficacy is crucial in helping you face your fears.

Self-efficacy means “a person’s particular set of beliefs that determine how well one can execute a plan of action in prospective situations,” says psychologist Albert Bandura.

If you don’t have the belief you can push past your fears, it can be extremely difficult to do so.

Research has found people find it difficult to face their fears because they perceive themselves to be incapable. In contrast, when self-efficacy increases in these individuals, their fear decreases.

That’s why improving your self-efficacy is another key psychological way to face your fears.

You can do this by:

Remembering the times you achieved your goals or faced other fears. You’re more likely to feel able to push past your current fear if you draw attention to your ability to have done this before.
Being mindful of your thoughts — it’s often the self-defeating thoughts that accompany a low self-efficacy. If you watch out for them you can counteract these thoughts. You can turn the thought of “I’m not capable of this” to “Relax. I’ve faced a fear before, I can do this again. I have the ability to do it.”
If you want to be able to tackle your fears, actively try to improve the belief in your ability to do so.

“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Final Thoughts

It’s tough to face our fears — it can affect us biologically and psychologically.

But, you need to know that our fears help us develop and become stronger. They give us the chance to become stronger because when we’re able to face them, it makes us feel on top of the world.

My view is that fears are important to have. They challenge and push us out of our comfort zone, which helps us adapt and grow.

If you want to face your fears, try these three psychological strategies to help:

Ask yourself, what can I do today? — take small steps each day to combat your fears.
Regain power and control over your fear — use affirmations and strong statements to help with this.
Improve your self-efficacy — be mindful of self-defeating thoughts and remember your achievements to improve the belief in your ability to face your fears.
Fears will always occur — there’s nothing wrong with that. We just need to know how to tackle it.

“There’s no shame in fear, my father told me, what matters is how we face it.”— George R.R. Martin

Contributed by Saarim Aslam

For more information and updates join our WhatsApp group HERE

Follow us on Twitter HERE

Join our Telegram group HERE