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As a parent, it can be distressing to see your child getting too influenced by their friends and peers, especially when it results in changes in their behavior and personality. It’s a common challenge that many parents face, and it’s important to address it early on to prevent it from impacting your child’s well-being and academic performance.
Here’s a real life example which I have encountered very recently: Sana is a sweet and simple 9-year-old Bangalore girl who is in the third standard. Sana has always been a focused student who enjoys her studies and has a pleasant personality. However, lately, Sana has been showing signs of distraction in class and spending more time talking to her friends. She has also been trying hard to fit in with the “cool girls” gang, which has resulted in changes in her behavior and personality.
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Sana’s parents have been noticing these changes and are concerned about how it may affect their daughter’s well-being. They want to stop this peer influence from affecting Sana so much, & want to bring her back to being focused on studies & staying true to herself.
While this situation is of pre-teen child, peer pressure is something that is prevalent in children of all age-groups. Here are some strategies that I discussed with Sana’s parents to help Sana navigate through this challenging phase. These work for all situations (& all age groups) where your child might be going down the wrong path because of peer pressure:
1. Foster Open Communication
As a loving parent, it’s important to create a safe and non-judgmental space for your child to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Show empathy and understanding towards their struggles with peer pressure. Initiate conversations with a calm and loving approach, and listen actively to their words and emotions. Let your child know that they can always come to you for support without fear of judgment or punishment.
2. Educate Your Child about Peer Pressure
As your child’s mentor and guide, it’s important to educate them about the concept of peer pressure with love and care. Help them understand that it’s a normal part of growing up, and everyone faces it at some point. Discuss different forms of peer pressure, including direct, indirect, and self-imposed, and explain how it can influence their behavior. Encourage them to think critically and make independent choices based on their own values and beliefs, rather than succumbing to external pressures.
3. Encourage Individuality and Self-Expression
Remind your child that their uniqueness and individuality are precious gifts. Encourage them to embrace their true personality and express themselves authentically, even if it means being different from their peers. Help them understand that it’s okay to have their own interests, opinions, and preferences. Assure them that being true to themselves is more important than conforming to societal standards or trying to fit in with a certain group.
4. Educate Your Child on Consequences
Take the time to educate your child on the potential consequences of succumbing to negative peer pressure. Help them understand the long-term effects of compromising their values, making poor choices, and engaging in risky behaviors. Discuss the potential impact on their physical and mental health, academic performance, relationships, and future opportunities. Encourage critical thinking skills and help them weigh the pros and cons of different choices. By empowering your child with knowledge about the potential outcomes of their actions, you can help them make more informed decisions and better understand the risks associated with succumbing to peer-pressure.
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5. Build Self-Esteem and Confidence
Peer pressure can often erode a child’s self-esteem and confidence. As a caring parent, it’s crucial to help your child build a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. Praise their strengths and accomplishments, and encourage them to pursue their passions and interests. Provide opportunities for them to develop new skills and talents. Help them understand that their worth is not determined by their popularity or acceptance among peers, but by their unique qualities and inner values.
6. Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations
It’s important to set clear boundaries and expectations with your child when it comes to their behavior and choices. Discuss with them the values and principles that are important to your family, and emphasize the importance of making responsible and ethical decisions. Help them understand the potential consequences of succumbing to negative peer pressure and making unhealthy choices. Encourage them to seek your guidance whenever they feel unsure or conflicted about a situation.
7. Encourage Healthy Friendships
Encourage your child to develop healthy friendships based on mutual respect, trust, and shared values. Help them understand that true friends will accept and appreciate them for who they are, without pressuring them to change. Discuss the qualities of healthy friendships, such as support, kindness, and positive influence. Encourage your child to surround themselves with friends who uplift and empower them, rather than those who push them to conform or engage in negative behaviors.
8. Be a Role Modela
As a parent, you are your child’s most influential role model. Model healthy behaviors, positive communication, and assertive decision-making. Show them how to handle peer pressure in a healthy and respectful manner. Demonstrate the importance of staying true to oneself and not succumbing to negative influences. Be a source of unconditional love, support, and guidance for your child as they navigate the challenges of growing up and facing peer pressure.
9. Provide Supportive Alternatives
Offer your child supportive alternatives to negative peer pressure. Help them identify healthy and positive activities that align with their interests and values. Encourage them to join clubs, teams, or other extracurricular activities where they can meet like-minded peers and build meaningful connections. Provide opportunities for them to engage in hobbies, volunteer work, or other constructive pursuits that boost their self-esteem and confidence. Show them that there are plenty of positive ways to have fun and socialize without succumbing to peer-pressure.
10. Seek Professional Help if Needed
If you notice significant changes in your child’s behavior or personality despite your efforts, it’s important to seek professional help from a qualified mental health counselor or therapist. They can provide additional support and guidance to help your child cope with peer pressure and regain their focus on studies and their true self.
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11. Practice Unconditional Love and Acceptance
Above All. Most Importantly. Continue to love and accept your child unconditionally, no matter what choices they make or mistakes they may encounter. Let them know that your love and support are unwavering, and that you are always there to help them, no matter what. Avoid criticism, blame, or harsh judgment, as it may push your child away and make them more susceptible to negative influences. Be patient, compassionate, and understanding, and remind them that their worth as a person is not dependent on their friends or their ability to conform to peer-pressure.
In conclusion, as a parent and a mental health counselor, I understand the difficulties parents face when their children are influenced by their peers and start to deviate from their true personality. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy, understanding, and proactive measures to support our children in staying true to themselves. By providing them with guidance, encouragement, and unconditional support, we can empower them to make choices that align with their values and be confident in being themselves. Remember, your child’s well-being and happiness should always come first, and as parents, it’s our responsibility to help them develop a positive sense of self and resilience to peer influence.
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Contributed By Chandni Lepcha Panjwani
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