🌻14 filthy little secrets that will quadruple your productivity (I’m not even joking)

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A major lesson for me in my 37 years: it shouldn’t take drastic change to make a huge impact.

I wasn’t always productive, and I’d often go weeks sulking and watching crap on tv.

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These tips turned my creative life around.

Now I can’t stop…

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Meditate for a minute before starting any work.

Focus on your breath. Enjoy the sensations of being there, free of any pressure to perform.

Allow your mind to still like particles floating to the bottom of a jar of water.

From a place of calm, you have a crucial starter’s advantage. Now you’re a freaking zen monk, and it’s not even 8am.

This is where creativity and energy flourish.

Stop being a little bitch.

Most of us are unproductive because we’re complaining to ourselves in the dim theatre of our minds about how ‘hard everything is.’

Read also: The 5 habits of financially responsible people

Stop whining, and stop moaning.

Find your inner badass who’s been standing there for close to a year sharpening his blade waiting for you to locate your nuts.

Bring that dude out and unleash the demons of hell.

Decide to have fun.

Most people freeze like frightened bunnies when it comes to ‘productivity’ because they view it as high pressure and kinda dull.

Productivity doesn’t have to be some heavy ‘discipline’ that takes effort. All you need to do is figure out the next small step and find a way to enjoy it.

YOU bring the enjoyment.

You can choose to be silly. You’ll never outwork someone who’s enjoying themselves.

Walk an hour a day.

What? Yes, spending time outdoors being ‘unproductive’ seems counterintuitive.

But most of us are low energy because we’re on our fat butts all day, and we allow our minds to grow thick with worry.

Walking clears all of this out, gets us into our bodies and multiplies our creativity.

If you want the secret ‘hack’ — walking is it (so is any movement).

Free-write like a champion.

Write anything that comes to mind for at least a minute.

Allow your fingers to perform a lap dance for you on the keyboard, and just have fun seeing what shows up.

Write total and unmitigated drivel. Create something so beautifully disgraceful on the page that you have to laugh.

This is pure release. Now you’re in fluid motion and primed for further productive output.

Leave your peepee alone.

I get it — bouncy big boobs on the Internet give you a comforting rush that you can’t get anywhere else because Jane won’t respond to your texts.

But if you want to experience unparalleled creativity, you need to quit that shit and transmute your sex energy.

After a few days, you will be astounded at how powerful this is.

Do ’the thing.’

Do the thing you’ve been avoiding.

Clean the snowdrifts of dust from under your damn bed for a change.

Wash the dishes.

Do that ‘dull’ chore. It’s not hard; it just requires effort. Do the thing, and bring as much enjoyment as you can to it.

Make sweet sexy love to the chore and shake your hips while you do it. It’s done, and you feel good about yourself.

Now tell me you don’t feel four times productive.

Save the croissants for a Saturday.

I see you. Shovelling that extra-large croissant into your mouth hole on a Tuesday morning at the cafe.

Then I continue watching (and judging you) as you scroll cute cats on Instagram — that article you were planning to write now a distant dream.

Treat yourself less, so you do and be more.

Drop the carby crap, and you’ll be light on your toes, brain firing, and ready to rock.

Decide to be a warrior.

There’s something incredibly enlightening about how a simple decision can alter reality right now.

Decide to be the most courageous, brutal, animal version of yourself. There are always two sides to you: owner or wimp victim.

Kill poor widdle victim daily.

Embody the posture and vibe of your cheerful warrior-self.

Write me a letter in blood telling me how this went for you.

Adopt a wild persona.

Newsflash: you aren’t your ‘personality.’ You don’t need to buy into the story you keep telling yourself about who you are — that you’re sigh ‘just kind of a lazy dude.’

Shut it.

Choose to be who you need to be. If you need to be calm, open and receptive, be that.

But right now, you need your productivity game on, so be a wild, creative maniac. You can be that right now.

*pssst. Be it.

Rewrite IMMENSE goals daily.

Most of us never reach our goals. That’s ok.

But most goals are boring as all hell.

The real, secret value of goals is the excitement they stir in you today. Hitch a ride on this hack by rewriting exciting, mega goals once or even twice daily.

Stop being a dweeb, and lean into your greatness.

Physically write them down, and you will embody them via muscular activation.

Drink like an elephant.

I don’t need to tell you what Sally in Biology class wouldn’t shut up about: we’re mostly made of water.

So drink up. Most of us are tired because we’re dehydrated.

Drink (and don’t pretend that gin you’re slugging is water).

Guzzle it in. Instant energy.

Read also: 6 simple and practical ways to show up for yourself everyday

Perform the sexy snake dance.

I’m not messing with you.

Get your fat ass up right now and perform appalling physical shapes in your room. Be nasty.

Gyrate like you’ve been involuntarily celibate for a decade, and you’ve just been unleashed — the degenerate chimp you are — on Spring Break.

Productivity is all in the hips, my friend.

Triple down on the present moment.

The ultimate productivity secret no one tells you is this: do one thing at a time, with full enjoyment and presence.

A cheeky little trick to encourage this further is to set yourself a window of timed, dedicated work — like 15 minutes of writing to a timer.

This gets you out of your worries and into the untamed, crystal clear beauty of the right fucking now.

If you learned nothing over the course of this, leave knowing this:

Pour everything you have into one thing at a time.

That’s it.

You got this ;).

Now go raise hell.

Contributed by Alex Mathers

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