To live a life of happiness and peace.
This year I have become the best version of myself.
I started prioritizing my well-being over my professional goals, I feel satisfied with everything I currently have, even if I am still working on the person I want to become, and I began to appreciate the people that really wanted me in their life.
Part of that success has been leaving behind bad habits and harmful influences and focusing my energies on the positive and personal growth side of my life. The best way I achieved this was by leaving behind toxic behaviours that are only there to make our life miserable.
Read also: Don’t apologize or feel guilty for wanting the best life possible (I BEG YOU READ THIS NOW)
Here are the five toxic but subtle behaviors I left behind so I become a happier and more peaceful person.
There are many things that we cannot control. We can control which movie we decide to watch, but we don’t control how much we will like it. We can control how kind we are to others, but not how they will respond to that empathy. We can control the job I take, but not how much we will like it.
The problem is that even though we can’t control the outcome of things, that doesn’t mean we should blame them for not being what we want.
If you are blaming others a lot, you are not taking responsibility for yourself. Whatever negative influence others have on you, it’s up to you to take responsibility for your own circumstances.
I was a person who was constantly looking for who was responsible for everything: my mood, for something to go wrong, or even for something not to please me. However, I found that it never really fixed anything. Even if we could directly blame someone for something, in the end, that doesn’t make any difference.
Leaving behind blaming others will help you focus on the solution to the problem: instead of blaming the director for a bad movie, look for the next one you could like. Instead of expecting someone to like you, search for someone you like. Instead of blaming a bad job, keep applying for new positions.
Blaming others is just a waste of time.
Seeking validation from others.
This behavior has been one of the most difficult to overcome for one simple reason: I love to be right. I don’t like to feel like I’m failing, even if it’s doing something I like. That’s why I always seek approval from others to validate that what I’m going to do can be a success.
However, this behavior was slowly consuming me. Others used that to manipulate the way they wanted me to act, and there came a moment when I stopped being myself to satisfy others’ opinions.
Seeking validation is a sign of a lack of self-confidence and self-doubt. Outside of the world of business and marketing, you are the one that should know what is best for you.
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Lack of passion
Most people think they don’t need passion to achieve their goals and that with “self-discipline,” they will grow even if they don’t like what they do. But even if that behavior can help you earn more money, you can be miserable for a long time while you “accomplish your dream.”
Throughout my life, I have discovered that there is a balance between what you think is best for you and what you can enjoy.
When I started studying technology, I was heavily involved in back-end programming (Who are the ones that build and maintain the mechanisms that process data and perform actions on websites).
However, even with all the money, I was earning, that was not something I liked. Three years ago, I decided to move to the front-end area (which controls everything you can see on a website), and I discovered a way I could earn even more of what I was earning.
I still program, but now it is something I like.
Lack of empathy
Sometimes we think we all live the same reality, making us think that all people can do what we currently do. However, this is far from reality, and believing that we can motivate or help someone by telling them that others could achieve it often has the opposite effect.
When I was in school, I always complained to a classmate because he never delivered anything on time, and sometimes I had to finish his part of the homework. In my mind, he needed to be as responsible as I was, period.
Then I discovered that he lived alone with his sick father at home, and he had to take care of everything after school.
Telling him that he should be more responsible with his studies was something I told him to see if he would motivate himself to do things better, but it wasn’t really helping him; it was making his situation at home worse. He even considered leaving school because he couldn’t handle everything as he should.
Empathy can help us be truly helpful.
“There are no bad or good people, just people who do good or bad things.”
— Colleen Hoover
Moral absolutism argues that everything is inherently right or wrong; no context or outcome can change this. When you act that way, you judge others based on what you think is good or bad.
The problem with this behavior is that there are different contexts for every action; what you think may be a bad thing, others don’t have any option. And acting that way is unfair because you will not see beyond what your mind can analyze.
Being a person with an absolute mentality made me stop being friends with people who were not to blame for their life and stopped helping many people who needed a hand more than an opinion.
People can change if they want to, and labeling someone for their action as good or bad is unfair to them and to us because it would mean that no other effort can make them be better, and than nothing we can do can make us grow as a person.
Read also: 5 ways to clean your mind (important message)
Changing these behaviors has helped me to be happier and live more in peace because now I understand the reality of others, I act according to my principles, and I seek my well-being above what others think is right.
Analyzing what we can do to be the best version of ourselves can help us change behaviors that affect our happiness and how others perceive us and understand how we can be helpful instead of judges.
Never take away the opportunity for someone to show you that they can be better by having a limited and absolute mentality. There are no bad or good people, just people who do good or bad things.
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CONTRIBUTED BY Desiree Peralta
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