How To Become Confident

For all my teenage years, I was a very awkward and underconfident kid who never even had the confidence to even talk with girls. But, Today I can literally approach a girl on the street, make fun conversation, get her number and get on a date.

So, how did I make this transition in myself? Well, You only need to understand one concept to understand how to become confident.

Competence = Confidence

A person who is not competent will never become confident. I said never. Because Confidence is a state of mind and it can’t be faked. Anyone who says you “fake it till you make it” is lying to you.

And your life is comprised of many different sectors and you need to practice and become competent in all those fields to become an overall confident person. And here is a breakdown of all the sectors in your life and how to become competent at them:

1. Looks

Many people think you’re either born with good looks or you’re not. But it’s not the complete truth. Anyone can go from a 0 to a 7 or 8 in looks by only working out and building an aesthetic physique.

Yes, genetics play a big role in making you look attractive. But think about it, If a 5-foot 5-inch Indian guy like me can pull girls. Can’t you do the same? If a black guy is getting girls then can’t other black guys do the same? It’s all about the mindset.

And only building an aesthetic body makes such a subtle difference in your looks that after you build that you’d never complain that you’re not attractive.

2. Social Skills

Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash
Social Skills play a very crucial role in making you confident. If you’re not comfortable talking with people and acting weirdly while having a conversation with someone then you’ll never appear confident.

So, How does one improve social skills?

By failing at it. You need to do this exact exercise. Just go out and talk to the first person you find on the road. It can be an old person, it can be a woman, it can be a guy. Just go and talk to them about something. And there’s a large chance that you’re going to mess up and the person might not even talk with you.

And that is a good thing. Because, before this, you were a rat sitting in his comfort zone without taking any action.

After you do this exercise on 5–10 people. Come back home and read a book called “How To Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It’s the bible of social skills. It will teach you everything you need to know about making friends and having conversations.

Then after reading this book. Go and do the exercise every day on 5–10 people. And keep doing it until it becomes a second nature for you to go and approach people.

During this exercise, your ego is gonna take a hit. You will feel undesired, you will feel rejected but after your 50th rejection. Rejection will become kind of funny for you. And by the 100th rejection you won’t even feel bad about being rejected. But you don’t need to go that far, you can be confident in your social skills much before you reach your 100th approach.

3. Money

If someone says that money doesn’t make you confident is a fucking liar. I have never seen an individual who is rich and isn’t confident. Having reached your financial goals will boost your confidence to the maximum. Because Money signifies status and status is confidence. But, Just like I said before this is only one sector of your life.

Only focusing on money and not focusing on any other sector of your life will not make you an overall confident person. So, the pursuit of money should be combined with becoming a better version of yourself.

4. Following

We live in an era where our value is determined by the number of followers we have online. It doesn’t matter what you think. A guy who has 100k followers on Instagram by only shitposting is more valuable than you and he’d be more confident than you as a by-product of him building a following.

And the truth is it’s fairly easy for anyone to build an audience online by just posting content that they have expertise in. You don’t need money or anyone’s permission to start creating content on the internet. So, What’s stopping you from doing that?

5. Mental Health

Mental health is not something that many people talk about. But it’s one of the most important parts of our life. Because all of us have gone through some traumatic experience in our lives that put a scar on our subconscious brain and we don’t even realize it.

And you need to know people who have good mental health tend to be more confident and happy overall. So, this is something that you also need to work on.

So, How does one improve his mental health?

By doing Meditation and Journaling. This might sound like the basic and obvious advice because it is. Meditation and Journaling are preached so much because it works. Otherwise, why would you be told this advice so often?

So, That’s it. Work on these 5 sectors of your life and become competent at all of them and watch yourself become an extremely confident person in 6 months’ time.

CONTRIBUTED BY Shubham Jena

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