🌻How To Easily Stop Others From Using And Manipulating You

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Learn to see the signs before it’s too late.

Everybody is an egoist.

Whatever we do, we do it for ourselves. People donate to charities because it makes them feel good about themselves. But not everything they do is a win-win.

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Often, others manipulate us to get their way. They don’t want harm for you but gain for themselves. If you don’t protect yourself, they’ll step on your head to climb higher.

I knew someone who was an expert at this. She never wanted bad for anyone but took every opportunity to make her life better — lying, cheating, and manipulating on the way. After she was done with you, she dropped you like a hot potato.

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The most subtle manipulators are the most dangerous ones because it’s hard to catch on. When you do, it’s often too late — they’ve already strung you along. Watch out for these signs so they can’t exploit you.

Read also: signs your boss is toxic and what you can do

Trust Patterns, Not Apologies

I’ve fucked up badly in the past.

I cheated on my first girlfriend and crashed my motorbike into a cyclist. Both times, I kicked myself for it. Both times, I apologized. Both times, I changed my behavior.

People who manipulate you only do the first two.

Every time they say sorry, you forgive them. You listen to the sermon of how they’re having a hard time, didn’t mean it, and will do better in the future. But they don’t.

Talk is cheap. Everybody can say, “I’m sorry.” If you want to know someone’s true character, watch their actions, not their words.

When patterns repeat, it’s a surefire sign the person hasn’t changed and doesn’t care much, either.

  • The friend who’s always late
  • The partner who disrespects or cheats on you
  • The family member who doesn’t respect your boundaries

Apologies without behavior change are just manipulation — so watch what people do, not what they say.

Watch Out for These Gaslighting Phrases

In Germany, we have a saying that describes manipulators perfectly.

They “turn around the words in your mouth.” No matter what you say, they want to hear something else — so they do. To get their way, they’ll juggle words like a circus artist torches.

Some of their favorite gaslighting phrases are:

  • “So you’re saying…” (followed by something that’s miles away from what you actually said)
  • “You shouldn’t feel that way.” (you get to feel however the fuck you want)
  • “You made me do this!” (no, they chose to do it)
  • “You’re overreacting/too sensitive/making this bigger than it is.” (again, you decide what matters to you and how you feel about it)
  • “You’d do it if you loved me/were my friend/cared about me.” (guilt-tripping at its best)

When someone says these words, stop them dead in their tracks and show you’re not rolling with it.

Don’t let yourself get pulled into their net of intrigue.

Read also: 5 some ways to drastically boost your energy

Don’t Fall in Love With Potential

Always focusing on the good in people has one huge drawback.

You’ll often ignore present actions in favor of potential future ones. I’m especially guilty of this.

When I met my ex, she was a mess — depression, daddy issues, and a bunch of other problems. I ignored her red-flag behaviors because I knew she was working on these issues and that one day, everything would look better. She planned our future together — kids, house, retirement plans, the whole nine yards.

I trusted her and put in the work. When she was sad, I came over to console her. When she needed help with university or applications, I was there to make it happen. When she needed money, I gave it to her. I did it because she kept promising a better future.

But it never came.

She dropped me like a hot potato once she got what she could out of me.

Manipulators are experts at painting colorful pipedreams. When you fall in love with their potential, you invest in them. Then, they take that investment and run without any intention to pay you back.

Appreciate people for who they are, what they do, and how you feel around them right now.

The future isn’t guaranteed.

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on Unsplash

Remember That It Takes Two To Fight and To Make It Work

Most people don’t understand something fundamental about human relationships.

They’re a two-way street. If you fight, it’s on both of you. If you thrive, you thrive together.

Manipulators are masters at blaming others. Things are never their fault — it’s always something you did. That’s why you have to keep this in mind:

Even if you do 100% right, that’s still only 50% of the relationship.

You can’t do a team project on your own. You can’t solve your relationship’s issues by yourself. You can’t keep up a friendship if only you put in the effort.

Don’t let others tell you that only you need to change your behavior. Even if you fucked up, you still need to work on it together. Find out why it happened and how you can avoid it in the future.

A manipulator gives you a blaming stare, a true partner gives you a helping hand.

Stop Rationalizing Red Flags

How many times have you said, “damn, why didn’t I see this earlier?”

I’m not talking about red lights on the way to work, but about red flags in the people we meet. Manipulators are great at hiding them, but sometimes, you can catch a glimpse. Yet, your ego often rationalizes them.

One of my university friends was charismatic — a tall, good-looking, and sharp ladies’ man. But underneath the shiny exterior, there was something dark.

At times, he would disrespect me — making fun of me in front of girls so he could score with them.

For the longest time, I rationalized these events — “he didn’t mean it like that,” “he just wanted to impress her,” and “he didn’t notice.” But over time, it became more and more apparent that I should’ve trusted the red flags.

You don’t have to remove people from your life because of one little slip-up. We all have our issues, perks, and quirks. But when a red flag arises in your mind, don’t explain it away.

Pay close attention — and don’t let the charming exterior fool you.

Read also: 10 things you should give up if you want to be successful

Summary To Help You Stop Getting Manipulated

People always want the best for themselves.

Some are willing to sell their grandmother for that. They’ll manipulate you and suck you dry like a vampire until they got what they wanted. Here’s how to protect yourself:

  1. Trust patterns, not apologies.
  2. Watch out for gaslighting phrases.
  3. Don’t fall in love with potential.
  4. Remember that relationships are two-sided efforts.
  5. Believe red flags when you see them.

Everybody is an egoist — and that’s okay. Just watch out for yourself.

Contributed by Moreno Zugaro

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