You can learn to attract the right people

Have you ever met someone and immediately felt they were something special about them?

It could be the way they talk, laugh, or seem to effortlessly connect and interact with everyone, including strangers.

My Justine is like that.

He’s captivating and friendly. He’s one of those guys that seem to draw others to themselves. When he walks into a place, he instantly lights up the whole place and makes his presence felt with his sense of humor and wits.

In short, Justine has what most people would refer to as “charisma.”

Charisma is the ability to attract, charm, and influence the people around you. It’s the inexplicable magnetism that draws people towards you.

The question is are people like Justine born with their charisma, or is it a trait/skill that anyone can learn and master?

It turns out that, while charisma can come naturally to certain people, it can also be learned and cultivated in the same way that you learn to walk or practice vocabulary when you’re learning a new language.

Read also: 3 habits of confident people

Here are five ways to become a human magnet.

Master how to speak with finesse

Charismatic people are effective public speakers. They don’t rush their words.

Speaking slowly signals your confidence both in yourself and in the message you’re passing across to your audience.

No matter the situation, being able to speak with confidence, whether you’re interviewing for a job, making a presentation, or trying to woo someone shows others you’re worth being taken seriously.

According to a study by researchers from the University Lausanne Business School in Switzerland, people with charisma use 9 verbal tactics when speaking:

They use strong metaphors
Tell stories by engaging their listeners and wrapping lessons in real-life stories.
Demonstrate moral conviction by connecting their message to fundamental moral ideas and express intent to do things right.
Tap into collective sentiment by listening to the concerns of their audience, and emphasizing shared history, struggles, or desires.
Have high expectations both for themselves and others.
Project confidence and belief
Using positive body language and facial expressions
Developing a non-monotone voice
Ask rhetorical questions that prompt others to get involved cognitively.
Charisma goes beyond just being a polished and engaging speaker. People admire you not only for your ability to engage them but also for the way you make them feel when you talk. This is why they’re drawn towards you if only to savor such moments.

What you can do

With the desire and commitment, you can learn the techniques charismatic people use when they’re interacting with others.

Practice measured speaking. Don’t be in a hurry to speak. Instead, talk slowly in your daily conversations and speak at the right pace.

Pause between your sentences. Be confident in yourself and believe that what you’re saying deserves to be heard.

People will start paying more attention to you. As your confidence grows, you’ll do it more naturally.

Practice being actively present during conversations

What sets charismatic people apart is their ability to be present when interacting with others.

Being present means being able to stay fully conscious and mentally focused in the here and now rather than being distracted.

This allows charismatic people to listen actively to what others are saying and make them feel heard or understood.

No one likes interacting with people who’re never present. Most people seem to be absent-minded, or more interested in their phones when interacting with others. This makes it harder for people to connect on a deeper level.

In one research study, for example, researchers found that the mere presence of a cell phone during face-to-face conversation can impair the sense of connection.

What you can do

If you want to become a human magnet, practice being present. Make people see you as being genuinely interested in them and in what they’re saying.

This means giving your undivided attention when the others are taking, actively absorbing and processing what they’re saying, and only responding when they’re finished.

The impact of being present and looking someone in the eye during conversations can be profound.

It helps you understand and empathize with them because you can see from their eyes now.

When people know you understand them and feel their pains, they’re drawn to open up to you. And the more they open up, the more influence you have around them.

Let your vulnerabilities shine through

When you try to project how perfect you are, people can sense it from a distance and they get turned off.

Everyone goes through one struggle or the others. People have their fears and insecurities. Most have made mistakes that shattered them and have gone through negative experiences that haunt them so badly.

Being able to share your vulnerabilities with others let them know that their experiences are valid and that they’re not alone. That is how you inspire hope.

Charismatic people are not afraid to be imperfect. They’re not afraid of being judged. They talk about their fears, struggles, mistakes, and failures.

And here’s the thing being able to share your honest vulnerabilities with people means you’re putting your trust in them and that helps build connections at an emotional level.

What you can do

You’re not perfect, and nobody wants you to be. Learn to open up and share your fears, weaknesses, and struggles like an everyday person.

When you harness the power of vulnerability, others see you as being authentic and are drawn to you because they feel like you’re one of them.

Carry yourself with respect and be proud of who you are

You cannot be charismatic if you’re not comfortable with who you are.

How charismatic you have little to do with your physical appearance. You can be tall or short, fat or slim, black or white. At the end of the day, what counts is how comfortable you are in your skin.

Believing in yourself is the first step toward connecting with others and attracting them to you. If you don’t have faith in yourself first, why should others have faith in you?

Unless you begin to consider yourself capable of influencing others, you will never be able to carry yourself in that manner, and no one will follow you.

What you can do

Learn to accept yourself and be proud of who you are. No matter what reservations you have about any part of your body, what’s important is recognizing your uniqueness and learning to carry yourself with poise.

People respond to you based on the amount of energy you exude. Your belief in yourself helps you to exude a lot of enthusiasm, which will make everything you do more persuasive to others around you.

Master your emotions

Your emotions determine your actions and behaviors and being able to know when to keep your emotions in check can make a huge difference when dealing with people.

Researchers believe there’s a strong link between high emotional intelligence and charisma.

Emotionally intelligent people are aware of their own emotions, as well as the emotions of those around them. This awareness allows them to stay cool under pressure and give people what they need emotionally.

Mastering your emotions means learning to keep your emotions under control, especially when you’re tired or stressed. It also entails paying attention to how others feel about your actions and words.

By picking up on their body language and what they say, you’ll be able to identify what they want and need and then take the appropriate action.

What you can do

Think about how you feel as a result of your actions. Learn to take into account how your actions and behaviors might affect others. Would you be happy with those effects?

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

— Maya Angelou

Read also: 11 simple behaviours that make people respect you more

Final Thought

Becoming magnetic is a superpower. It can change your personal and professional life. It can also make you more persuasive and help you build relationships with ease.

But none of this will be possible without effort and commitment to:

Master speaking with grace and finesse
Practice being actively present during conversations
Let your vulnerabilities shine through.
Carry yourself with respect and be proud of who you are.
Master your emotions and how your actions make others feel.

Contributed by Victor Mong

For more information and updates join our WhatsApp group HERE

Follow us on Twitter HERE

Join our Telegram group HERE