It may not be as difficult as you think.
Life presents us with numerous difficult decisions.
What should I wear in the morning? We drink our coffee with milk or cream. Who I should spend the rest of my life with, and what I should do if our goals differ entirely.
Of course, there are countless pre-written responses to these questions:
Jeans with a high waist.
Milk contains less fat.
Choose the person you want to be with, because love triumphs over all.
We have a set of rules that we should follow as we face life’s difficult questions, and they all have predetermined outcomes.
Choosing the right wear will result in you being complimented by the trendy girl in your office. You will feel less bloated if you choose milk.
Choosing the person you love over the life you want means that your sense of self-worth will gradually deteriorate over years of contentedly slipping into bed beside someone you’re at ease with.
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What is The Priority, Love or Your Purpose?
I want to be clear that I’m not against marriage, relationships or romance. I adore love. I’m in love with it. I lose my mind, heart, and footing over love far more frequently than I’d like to admit, and that’s the only reason I know anything about it.
Love is wonderful, worthwhile, and enriching, but I’m of the opinion that it should never come between you and the great vision you have for your life except there is a graeter good it’ll achieve.
The Great Challenge of Relationship
Love shouldn’t have to be the most difficult sacrifice in your life. I guess you’ve been told otherwise. You’ve seen movies, read novels, and heard adages from relatives and friends who may or may not have very successful relationships that love is a constant compromise. You can’t have everything. And they may be correct. You can’t have everything.
But you should be able to have what is essential to you.
You should be able to spend time with someone you care about while living a life that entices, invigorates, and inspires you. You should be able to pursue your dreams fearlessly without fearing losing the person you care about the most. At the very least, you should have a relationship that allows both parties’ growth and exploration.
You Need to Find A Middle Balance
A mismatch of values occurs when you are in a relationship that forces you to whittle or water yourself down. You might have met someone special — even someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
But if you only see eye to eye when you stare into each other’s eyes, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of a difficult relationship. Trust me, it can be very frustrating.
You cannot make a relationship work with someone who has opposing views. It’s been done a million times but all to no avail.
For example, if one wants a steady 9-5 job and the other wants to travel the world indefinitely, there can be a happy medium.
One can slow down, the other can speed up, or you can find a happy balance where both of you are halfway there in agreement.
But you need to ask yourself some questions sincerely. Is this the life either of you truly desires? Is this the life you’ll be satisfied with when you look back? Will you be glad you compromised and set aside your desires for someone else?
If the answer is yes, you’re good to go. Some concessions are worthwhile, provided they achieve a greater good (as earlier said). However, if the answer is no, I encourage you to sever the relationship before marriage. To do the difficult thing that only the courageous want to do and go live the life of their dream.
The Truth You Must Face
The truth about the right person for you is that they want the same lifestyle that you desire. How did I find out? Because, by definition, that is what qualifies them for you. Being with someone whose eyes light up when yours do, whose heart pounds when yours does, who is enticed and inspired by the same forces that propel you forward. That’s the gift that many people never truly get to experience.
Because many, if not most, choose love blindly, they choose the person they love over the person who could challenge them to be bigger, stronger, and better versions of themselves. They tell themselves that love is blind and sufficient. However, the blinded love suddenly becomes widely opened when the relationship has gone deeper, and it’s difficult to turn back. What an unfortunate situation!
We forget that love shouldn’t be the thing that conquers our lives – we should be. And we should do it deliberately, triumphantly, by the side of somebody who shares all of our joys and successes. What am I trying to say? We make the tragic mistake of shifting our primary responsibility to our love or partner rather than facing our challenges personally and overcoming it with the aid of our partner.
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So, how do we find the right person our heart desires? That’s easy: we just need to know and understand our core values and vision. Then pursue the vision and do more of what you enjoy. You give yourself up to uncertainty, searching, and pursuing what you want out of life without the assurance of having someone by your side.
We devote ourselves wholeheartedly to what we enjoy, and as a result, we attract others who also enjoy the same things we do and care about what we prioritise and value all that we are.
Instead of staying comfortably settled inside certainty, you throw yourself into the heart of responsibility and possibility because it is something you owe to yourself.
You owe it to yourselves to live the best life you’re capable of living, even if it means being alone for an extended period of time, keeping yourself busy purposefully until the right person comes.
Contributed by Felix Adeoye
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