🌻Truly Confident People Do These 7 Things Differently(HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)


Real confidence is a choice.

I used to believe that confidence was something simply bestowed on a lucky few upon birth. Some people just had it, while others were left wishing for it.


In my mind during this phase of life, I was always in the “other” category. The ones who were passed over in the genetic lottery when confidence was being distributed.

This, in itself, was a negative and inaccurate mindset around confidence that kept me stagnant for many years. I had simply accepted that I wasn’t one of the chosen ones who got to enjoy the boundless benefits of being secure in myself.

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Notice this is all said in the past tense — because the day came that I learned just how wrong I was.

This is one of the reasons why I started coaching people over a decade ago. To help them escape the same negative cycle that leads to self-fulfilled prophecies of failure and regret.

Most of us are telling ourselves a story about why we can’t be confident, or, accepting external narratives from other people that make us doubt or limit ourselves.

The truth is that confidence is a mindset that we can choose. We can make the decision to evolve and progress.

This, of course, requires a new perspective, new strategies, new habits, and a new outlook on life (as well as on ourselves) in order to achieve.

Read also: The healing power of laughing at yourself (Highly recommended)

What, then, do truly confident people do differently than those who stay stuck and frustrated?

1: Confident people stand in their own light.

They don’t compare themselves to others.

Spoiler alert: There is always going to be someone better than you. Bigger, stronger, faster, cooler, richer, prettier, smarter…

What this means is that no matter what you do, if your self-worth or confidence is rooted in comparison to others, you’ll never be happy, because there will always be someone that you “lose” to, even if the competition is in your own mind.

However, when you can make the realization that nobody will ever be better at being you, than you — that’s when you can fully recognize your own personal strengths an capitalize on them.

This is where improvement begins and confidence starts to blossom.

This is where you start setting goals for yourself and finding out what you are capable of.

This is where you begin discovering who you truly are, because you stop standing in other peoples’ shadows.

This is where you stop being jealous and start being inspired — and inspiring.

Think about the most confident and uplifting people you know — are they standing around wondering who is better than them, or are they showing up every single day as their most authentic selves and doing the best they can with the gifts that they have?

You already know the answer, you’ve just got to implement the same mindset for yourself.

2: Confident people lift others up.

They don’t discourage others or hold them down.

You notice certain trends in personality when you hang around different types of people. What I’ve found is, happy and successful people tend to be willing to help, bring value, make introductions, and support you on your journey.

Unhappy or insecure people are usually discouraging, or disappear when you need them, or try to “one-up” you at all times.

Why? Because their insecurities are at the helm. They cannot stand the idea of someone else outshining them, because it makes them focus on their own flaws or shortcomings — even if nobody else notices them.

So, in order to feel better about themselves, they do everything they can to hold other people back. It’s the only way they know how to “win.”

Conversely, people who are secure and confident will do the opposite. They know what they’re capable of, so they’re not threatened or bothered by other people succeeding. In fact, they enjoy surrounding themselves with other successful and confident people, because they know this is the best environment to learn and grow.

Everyone who has ever extended a hand to help me during the course of my life was doing better than me. They’d already gone where I wanted to go, and helped me obtain opportunities to excel. They never saw me as a threat, nor did I see them as one. I was inspired by them, motivated by them, supported by them — but never once thought of usurping them or trying to take their place.

Only a small or insecure person would need to assert their dominance by toppling those who helped them. There is plenty of room for us all to shine together.

3: Confident people live in abundance.

They don’t adopt a scarcity mindset.

Think about the previous point and what it really means.

The underlying statement being made by the insecure actions is this:

There’s not enough to go around, so I must defeat you to get mine.

Whereas the theme of the confident actions is this:

There’s enough for all of us, so I’m going to help you get yours.

These two philosophies create completely different realities for the people living them. Just imagine the perspective shifts that would occur if you shifted from one to the other — a whole new world would begin to reveal itself around you.

If you never think there’s enough, you’ll turn inward and shrink yourself in order to maintain what you have. You’ll constantly be on the defensive. You’ll see everything, and everyone — as a threat.

Naturally, your insecurities will be magnified by this mindset because there is no room for growth when you are constantly feeling under attack by the world.

On the other hand — if you open your mind and see just how expansive the world is, you begin to recognize its abundance.

I’m not just talking about money — though there is a lot of that to go around, too.

I’m talking about love, happiness, knowledge, truth, substance, fulfillment, friendship…

Insecurity will keep lives small and enclosed, while confidence will open doors to new worlds and expand our realities beyond what we ever thought to be possible.

4: Confident people understand that self-worth comes from within.

They don’t tie their worth to external validation.

While humans have always sought the validation of others, social media has exacerbated this truth beyond our natural tendencies.

Younger generations are growing up knowing only the realities of likes, followers, view counts, subscribers, and vanity metrics.

They’ll never live in a world without these things. It is simply part of life.

While social media can open many doors, teach us many things, connect us with many people, and give us valuable platforms (like the one you’re reading this article on), it can also be a breeding ground for insecurities and personal criticism. Comparison. Rabbit holes of self-loathing. Doubt. Fear.

Or, it can open up new worlds of knowledge to us. We can learn virtually anything we want right on our phones, for free. We can connect with people all across the globe. We can start (and run) businesses virtually. We can get a job in a totally different state or country.

Like anything else — social media is a tool, and tools can be used for good or evil.

When this tool begins to control us, and dictate our level of self worth, that’s when the problems begin to arise.

We start to live our lives around the number of followers or likes we have. We do risky or dangerous things in hopes of “going viral.” We make fools of ourselves in order to get 5 minutes of fame that nobody will remember in the next hour.

The result? A constant chase. A pursuit that never ends. A need to seek the next dopamine hit from creating the next viral piece of content that brings us momentary satisfaction before we have to go and do it all over again.

It’s exhausting, really.

On the other hand — if we let go of the need for this external validation and understand that the only place we will ever find fulfillment is within ourselves, everything changes.

The pursuit of fulfillment from external sources is never-ending because that’s not where fulfillment comes from.

So, we’re seeking it in places we’ll never find it.

When we shine from within, though, that’s when we carry this confidence with us everywhere we go, because it’s quite literally a piece of our identity.

It comes with us to our relationships, to our jobs, to our work, to our mindset, and to our view of ourselves.

We start doing and creating things because we love them, not because other people like them.

Then, all of the results become that much sweeter because they’re achieved for the right reasons.

In writing this very article I understand that 5 people may read it, or 5 million. What matters is that I’m putting something into the world that I know has value, and that reflects my inner-most values and beliefs.

I will feel no differently about myself as a result of how far this, or any other article, spreads — because I’ve already done the inner work and find fulfillment where it counts: In self love.

5: Confident people embrace being wrong.

They don’t pretend that they’re always right.

Nobody likes to be wrong, but confident people understand that being wrong, or missing the mark, or making a mistake is in itself the path to learning.

We cannot learn what is right without experiencing what is wrong.

We can’t succeed unless we try, and usually when we try, we fail until we learn how to succeed.

The irony of this is that insecure people will always try to prove that they’re right. They’ll convince themselves that they have all of the answers, because their ego is so tightly tied to being correct (or the perception of being correct), that they’ll do anything in order to protect it.

The truth is, though, that confident people understand being wrong is an opportunity to learn, grow, and evolve.

Their statement of identity is not “I am always right,” but instead, “I am always learning.”

This creates infinite opportunities to gain new knowledge and far surpass the people who pretend that they already have it.

6: Confident people are disciplined.

They don’t wait to be “motivated” to take action.

Here’s the thing about confidence: It must be built.

Most would assume that confident people are always motivated to take action. They figure that one fuels the other — the action creates the confidence, and the confidence sparks the action.

The truth is that nobody is motivated all of the time.

Confident or not, we all feel burned out, overwhelmed, tired, and just disinterested in doing what needs to be done.

Motivation comes and goes.

However, discipline is what gets you off of your ass even when you don’t feel like it.

Discipline is what breeds consistency.

Consistency is what creates progress.

Progress shows us we are capable of achievements.

Achievements help us build confidence.

Discipline is the commitment to ourselves to perform the best we can even when we don’t feel like it — and every time we do that, every time we resist the urge to slack off, every time we push through the hard times…our confidence grows just a little bit more.

Imagine what years or decades of this can achieve for you.

Read also: 15 micro behaviours to attract successful people who can change your life (simply unforgettable)

7: Confident people work to cultivate their identity.

They don’t waiver or falter on their values, beliefs, or sense of self.

Whether you are a reader of mine (if you’re new, welcome to the family!) or a private student of mine, you know how often I mention the words identity and purpose.

This is because I fully believe they dictate the direction of our lives.

The choices we make every day are in alignment with what we believe our identity to be.

Are you an athlete? Then you wake up each day and train, eat properly, and hone your craft. If you don’t do these things, you feel out of alignment.

If you’re an entrepreneur, you work to grow your business, cultivate new leads, hold yourself accountable to progress. If you don’t, then you don’t feel like an entrepreneur if you’re really honest with yourself.

The same goes for anyone and anything — the point is that if your actions don’t line up with your statement(s) of identity, you’re going to feel “off.”

And feeling “off” makes you doubt yourself.

Doubting yourself breeds insecurity.

On the other hand, imagine if you took the time to get clear on who you really are.

What are your values?


Personal goals?



What do you want your family to be like? Your relationships? Your career path? Your home?

Not what society wants.

Not what your friends say.

Not what someone told you that you “should be doing” 30 years ago.

THIS is why so many people come to me for coaching, because somewhere along the way they lost sight of what their identity really is.

They realized they’ve been living their lives for the sake of other people for years — or maybe even decades.

And they finally woke up one morning and didn’t even recognize themselves in the mirror anymore.

Who are you? What do you do for fun? Is this the life you envisioned for yourself? Why did you marry your spouse? Why did you choose this career path?

Do you have the answers?

If not — that’s okay — many, many people don’t.

But that’s also why many, many people are insecure and confused about their own lives. Maybe not outwardly — but when they’re alone by themselves.

That’s all that really matters at the end of the day.

How you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself.

That’s the one thing you can’t escape.

And for that reason, it’s the thing you need to start prioritizing over all else.

Once you gain the courage to do that — you’ll start living the life that is truly meant for you.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.FD

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