“Use gossip for good”
Photo by Or Hakim on Unsplash
I spent most of my life desperate for success.
Then I learned about how to behave in ways that attract successful people without the need to look desperate or beg.
When you have successful people around you it’s easier to change your life.
Here’s how I learned to attract them.
1. All you need to attract are six successful people
This isn’t an exact science. I can’t point you to a Harvard study.
All I know is when you have approximately six successful people around you it rewires your brain.
What makes a difference is the stories they share. Each story teleports you out of your own mind and into a new reality you’re yet to live.
Attracting the first person is hardest.
Once you have one person they’ll lead you to more. These successful people breed like rabbits around each other.
2. Hang around more 20 year olds
I’m a millennial grandpa. I still talk about the internet.
20 year olds don’t know what the internet is because it’s invisible to them. They don’t know what it was like to connect via a dial-up modem and wait 4 hours to load a naughty video.
Youth acts as a pattern interrupt. It helps you see ideas you couldn’t previously see. Once you see new ideas it’ll help you find new ways to attract successful people into your life.
3. Delay ‘the ask’ for as long as possible
Most of us treat successful people like one-night stands.
As soon as we’re in the room with a successful person, we can’t resist the orgasmic urge to ask them for something.
It happens all the time to me on LinkedIn. I connect with a new person and the first thing they’ll say is “can you share my post with your audience amigo?”
Like, we don’t even know each other. It makes me feel used and abused.
The longer you delay the ask the less transactional you look. The less transactional you look, the more likely you will build a deep relationship with a successful person.
4. Stop tryna force a relationship
Trying too hard turns successful people off.
Just be yourself. Don’t try to impress them. Don’t drop your life stats. Don’t inject company brands into a convo. Don’t talk about what great car you drive. Just shut up and be normal.
Talk about human stuff.
You know … stories, travel, experiences, fun, lust, etc.
5. Make relationships flow effortlessly (like this)
Complex relationships involve people who act stupid financially, are emotionally immature, and don’t know what the heck they want.
Do the opposite.
Learn to be smart with money. Read some popular finance books. Grow up and develop some emotional intelligence. And sit down and create a vision for your life.
What the hell do you want?
What are your true goals?
What are your beliefs?
What skills do you need to learn?
There’s nothing a successful person hates more than a wanderer who is lost and does nothing to try and find themselves.
You already know what you want. Look at your google search history. Look at your obsessions. Look at your list of fears. All the answers are buried inside those things.
6. Show genuine interest in others
Selfishness acts as a success repellant.
Show interest in others by asking them questions. Remember their name for god sake. Don’t dominate the conversation with everything about your life. Ask new people you meet to tell stories.
Let people talk about themselves.
It superglues people to your life. Those people hold all of the hidden opportunities you can’t apply for or wait for permission to access.
7. Spark random conversations with everyone
There’s high ROI in talking with anyone you encounter.
I randomly talk to people all the time. People I meet through tweets. Randoms at the gym. Strangers in cafes. The waiter at Starbucks.
The best person to talk with is an event organizer. I used to attend startup events. I’d always ask the event organizer “who’s the most interesting person I should meet?”
No one ever asked them that.
They’d normally show me around and introduce me to the most unlikely people. I met the co-founder of Eventbrite like that.
It’s rare a successful person will turn down a conversation after the organizer at an event their speaking at introduces them.
This is a life hack with huge ROI.
8. Add more emotion
Most writing on the internet sucks.
Why? It lacks emotion. You feel nothing when you read it. Soon as you start to add more raw emotion … everything changes. The same happens with attracting successful people.
The more emotional content in the conversation, the more they’re likely to become interested in you and want to stay in contact.
Make people feel.
9. Use gossip for good
I stole this one from Alex Hormozi.
We’re taught that gossip is evil. It’s not when used in reverse. I compliment people behind their backs to those they know.
These aren’t fake compliments either.
Nine times out of ten the compliment gets back to the original person. They’re often flattered and bring it up next time we chat. So many people do so much good in the world.
When you’re the one to notice it without telling them directly, they feel special. Once someone feels special they’ll be attracted to your life.
10. Check on people when they go quiet
Sometimes people disappear off the radar.
They go dark on social media. They stop going to events. There’s some BS scandal about them. Maybe their business failed or their partner divorced them. This is when 99% of people run.
A smart thing to do is check on people when they least expect it.
A well-known crypto influencer lost their fortune. They were all over the media. No one wanted anything to do with them. I reached out to see if they were okay.
Now they’re back at the top of the game. We’re still friends.
Because I gave a sh*t in their darkest hour. This stuff isn’t hard. 99% of attracting successful people into your life is intuitive. Go back and read this article again and you’ll see what I mean.
11. Quit being a people pleaser
One way people try to get around successful individuals is by being a people pleaser.
You see it all the time in the workplace. Those who want to climb the ladder suck up the CEO’s ass. The CEO can see through it and often ignores them because of it.
Or something worse happens…
You try to be a people pleaser and get taken advantage of. Stop it.
12. Write online about your favorite people
This is one of the most effective tools I’ve found.
Write about successful people. I wrote about Dan Koe, Tony Robbins, James Altucher, and Polina Pompliano. I got to talk with each of them as a result.
Don’t kiss their asses obviously. But dissect what they do. Talk about them. Tag them. Promote their mission or work without expecting anything in return. It works.
13. See how long you can go without asking what people do for a living
We’ve all been to social events where the first question a person asks you is “what do you do for a living?”
Humans are status addicts.
We ask what someone does to see where they are in the primate hierarchy. Go against your primate instincts. Talk about anything else. Find out when they were most afraid. Talk about their family.
Just don’t be a shallow son of gun that hits them with the “how do ya make money, pal” question as the opener.
You’ll come across ten times smarter than the other primates.
14. “Admit when you’re wrong. Shut up when you’re right.”
Relationship expert John Gottman said this.
No one likes to be told when they’re wrong. Even if you’re right about something keep it to yourself. You’ll be more likable and attract more successful people into your life when you do.
15. Focus on the little things
Successful people often look at the things many overlook.
Like how you treat the waiter over lunch. Or whether you put your shopping cart away at Walmart. Or whether you say please and thank you. Or whether you help those in need or donate to the charity asking for donations outside the mall.
The little things you do right add up to build a big reputation long term.
Contributed by Tim Denning
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