One of the most insidious forms of stress for men is women issues.
Maybe you’re not getting the respect you think you deserve. Perhaps she’s giving you an unending barrage of drama.
Maybe she doesn’t seem as attracted.
I know how emasculating this feels.
For whatever reason, I have taken on the role of councillor for many of my male friends around girl issues. I do this as a coach too. Hundreds of hours spent discussing female nature and relationship dynamics helped me make sense of our shared challenges as men.
Many relationship gurus spend a lot of time telling us the tips, hacks and steps they must take to ‘get better with’ women.
They talk about game, seduction tips, how to use dominant body language, etc.
These can be helpful, but most of this is superficial and gets men in their heads, making them even weirder and on edge.
I’ve learned that, although women can often appear complicated, it doesn’t require much to maintain long-term harmony in a relationship, whether casual or more serious.
It has more to do with what you DON’T do than what clever tricks you use.
The common thread I see again and again with men who struggle is this one thing:
They take things personally.
Essentially, this comes from a perception of lack in one’s own abilities and self-worth.
We perceive ourselves as inadequate in some way and compensate by attempting to protect something that cannot be protected.
We get defensive. We take things seriously. We become moody. We get angry if someone doesn’t reciprocate when we wished they would. We become needy when she pulls away.
When we do this, guess what?
We communicate our sense of perceived lack. Women know this. They feel it.
No matter how much she does these things herself, she will lose attraction and respect for a man that exhibits this.
The real kicker is that all this is happening based on creating an illusion about who we think we are.
We are not our thoughts or identities, though these things directly affect our behaviours.
We are solid, whole, highly adequate beings beneath it all, and peace is afforded to us when we truly see and express this Universal truth.
So if we take the idea of our ‘ineptitude’ as fact, no matter what the hell happened to you in your past, we make it far more likely that we’ll take things personally.
Getting angry isn’t necessarily the same as taking things personally, mind.
Using aggression is valuable and often attractive. It needs, however, to come from a place of strength and positive intent.
If you’re aggressively protecting your family home from marauding thieves, that isn’t taking things personally.
But acting out in anger to criticism from her or a friend — for example — is you adopting child nature, and you immediately diminish in her eyes.
We play out the scared little boy aspect of our psyche. Women aren’t attracted to boys. It is about emotional maturity and showing you possess it.
So that’s the key here: demonstrating prolonged emotional maturity and strength.
Emotional immaturity emerges when we act out our perceived shortcomings as men.
How, then, do we stop taking things personally and nurture the emotionally mature side of us?
You bring awareness to your emotions. You see anger rise up, and you watch it as an observer. You don’t resist it. You don’t ride its wave.
You take a breath, and you develop your light-heartedness in the face of perceived stresses as a continual and empowering habit.
This is, in fact, the most powerful practice you can incorporate into your day.
Keep it light. Be unattached to outcomes.
Stop taking shit personally, because it reinforces your manufactured deficiencies and makes you look weak.
You may need to fake it till you make it first.
More than anything, you don’t need to develop this part in you for her.
Do it for you. Do it for your mental resilience and sanity.
Do it for your mission.
It works wonders in the world, and your work life will improve too.
CONTRIBUTED BY Alex Mathers
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