Building and rebuilding sexual interest between married couples
The majority of folks who are in committed relationships or in the early stages of marriage have relatively few problems getting in the mood. When life’s complications begin to intervene, however, it takes a little more planning to find your way into the bedroom. It may feel as though the great spontaneity of your early years without kids is lost, but that is not really the point. The point is to arrange it so you are able to continue to experience the joys of a rich and fulfilling sex life. Here are some suggestions.
First of all, admit to your circumstances in life; then work around them. For example, we think the most important thing to remember about pregnancy, on both the sexual and romantic fronts, is that she doesn’t stop wishing to be a desirable woman anymore than he stops wishing to be a manly man. With all that common ground, it is simply a matter of working out the details. For one, the environment can play a major role. By continuing to engage in familiar romantic rituals, like candlelit dinners and evenings filled with music and good food, the rest may readily fall into place. Naturally, the man is going to have to be more careful and considerate, but the goal can be reached. Loving each other in these circumstances comes so easily that romantic nights are easily constructed.
If you have young children, set firm bedtimes that allow you the chance to be alone together at the end of the day. It is better for the kids as well as the parents. Baby sitters, overnights with neighborhood friends or relatives, and dozens of other methods are available to guarantee you some time alone to drink a glass of wine, talk, and eventually crawl into bed.
Next, assign a high priority to sex. Although you may not like the analogy, sex is like exercise. It is easy to fall out of the habit and get lazy. At the extreme, you may even want to keep a calendar and count the number of times per month for a while, just to help you emphasize to each other how important it is to be together. It helps to figure out regular times and then to build on that foundation.
This leads to the third issue, flexibility. An evening that does not go as planned shouldn’t lead to finger pointing or frustration. Instead, simply be determined to find time for a “make good” as soon as possible. It may also be necessary to allocate twenty minutes instead of a full night, when you are in a “catch as catch can” mode. Still, it is better than the alternative.
Couples who make sure they take time for love are going to be more relaxed and patient with their kids.
Finally, if there are physical issues standing in the way, deal with them. See a doctor to find out what can be done. It is possible to build sexual energy by making lifestyle improvements. Mild exercise, proper diet, and more rest may just do the trick. When medications decrease libido or interfere with sexual function in other ways, there are still numerous methods to stimulate a partner to achieve feelings of sexual intimacy. Rather than abandoning everything, explore these alternatives. Alcohol and drug abuse issues may require counseling and assistance.
We know that in this would of dual careers and multiple family commitments, sex can easily take a backseat. This is bad for every aspect of your life, from mental well – being to feelings of love and romance toward each other. And we are sorry to start off this chapter with the bad news. At the same time, that leaves us with all of the good things. Building a great sexual and romantic relationship is one of the most fulfilling things you will do as a couple. Therefore, you should work hard to make sure you take time, make time, and enjoy time together physically.
Contributed by Pamela Baack
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